This is a blog for anything I find on the internet that I think is inspirational or helpful - whether it be pictures, quotes, passages from books or films or indeed anything else. I hope others take some pleasure from the things in here too, and I hope they in turn pass them on. My Ask box is open for suggestions for inclusion or anything you would like to say. The internet can be a very positive place - let's make it so.Riddles in the Dark
I am sick of witnessing women being spiteful to each other on the internet, face to face or otherwise over the subject of looks. It really is sad that seemingly people would rather tear each other to shreds than just to live or let live or heaven forbid actually be nice.
In light of this, here are some positive things to think about:
1) If you wake up one morning and are feeling particularly good about yourself – bright-eyed and bushy tailed – and make a statement of such, there will always be people will interpret this as being arrogant or over-confident – feel good anyway. There is no god-given right with which people may judge or try to censor how you feel about yourself.
2) Thinking a particular outfit you’re considering wearing might provoke negative comments or reactions from other people? Wear it regardless. You probably bought it because when you tried it on it felt good and looked good – those facts don’t have to change because of other people’s comments.
3) Petty comments are just that – petty. Don’t let them spoil your day.
4) Feeling like you pale in comparison to someone else, maybe a friend or someone close? Stop competing. That person’s unique experiences have made them the unique individual they are – as yours have done the same for you. Nobody is better or worse as a result of this – merely different. Also, your grass-is-greener attitude only lets you see what you perceive to be good – you have no idea what may be happening beneath the surface.
5) You are feeling good about a new haircut, having lost weight, or new clothes but nobody comments or notices. It doesn’t matter. You should be feeling good for you, not for other people. Treat validation as a bonus, not a right that you expect of others.
6) There are things about all of us that annoy and frustrate other people, and people are generally more likely to comment upon faults than they are upon the good things. That doesn’t mean they don’t notice the good traits or that those traits have stopped existing. There’s nothing wrong with constructive criticism, as long as it is constructive.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone replaced one spiteful or negative comment with a positive or kind one.
Something occurred to me the other day that I’ve been passing about in my head since trying to make sense of, and I think I’ve now done it.
To a certain extent, feeling either good or bad about yourself is a choice.
Now I know that sounds awfully condescending and dismissive, so let me explain before you all grab your pitchforks. What I mean is that (in my case) I find I can torment myself endlessly by thinking about subjects that are painful or dwelling on comparisons between myself and others that I know make me feel inferior. So the choice, I have found, is to not think about those things.
I’ll explain my instance.
For a few months last year I was constantly receiving anonymous emails from someone containing photos of my boyfriend with a girl who wasn’t even an ex, just an encounter that didn’t go anywhere. Said girl is very attractive. The emails also went into venomous detail about how much better she was than me and how much better of my boyfriend would be if he was with her, because I’m so plain and boring that the amount of down-dating is just painful. To top it off, I then got the same less than pleasant opinion from someone who up to that point I had considered a good friend. So to say I have a few self esteem issues surrounding this is to make a rather large understatement.
However, I’ve found in the last couple of weeks that I can choose to change my attitude and the way I think about it. Sure, she’s attractive, but looks nothing like me. I can choose to leave the comparison there - we look nothing alike. I don’t *have* to torment myself on how much better looking I may consider she is. I can make the decision for myself to look at it in a more healthy light.
Similarly, I have some self image issues as a result of the illness. I can torment myself into feeling that I look disgusting and that I shouldn’t leave the house, or I can choose (I’ve found) to accept things as they are and say “I’m a strong, capable, intelligent woman regardless” and move forwards. It doesn’t make the illness any more pleasant, but it makes the mindset much healthier.
I’m not saying this is easy, nor am I suggesting that you can pick it up just by being told by another person (me or anybody else.) It’s something you discover for yourself. However, the discovery is more than worth the wait. :)
Something to remember - you are unique. Sure, other people might have different strengths, but they will have weaknesses in areas in which you are strong too. You may think someone else is more beautiful than you - they could be looking at you with the same frame of mind. Choose to look at the positives more - it’s hard, but nothing worth having was ever easy to come by.
I’m going to try some new things with this blog, including posting any self worth type things I think about or discover - again with the aim that it’s helpful to somebody out there.
I’m also going to post as much helpful material as I can about living with chronic illnesses. Mine is as yet undiagnosed, but I still live with many of the issues and idiosyncrasies those with diagnosed, treated problems find themselves up against. One of the most positive forces for feeling good is others who have been through or are going through the same. Watch this space!